I honestly feel like the blue fish in that story at times, as though my brain is so far up my ass that some of my days feel London “can i have some tea” foggy. I mean, I don’t feel like that constantly but when the feeling hits, it drives me insane.
I’m still learning how to adult successfully, I don’t think the learning ever stops and frankly some days I’m just winging it, but aren’t we all?
I have/had all these plans and goals and ideas of how this and that should be, and most of it doesn’t match my reality. Some of these goals are, undeniably attainable, but the rest of them are plain old ” you’ve watched too much TV as a kid Kela, and you need to stahppp”goals. Just goals that I probably based around the “Huxtable’s”. That perfect family, with the black and white issues that aren’t too perplex. Well although that sounds nice, no part of me is ” black or white”, heck I’m probably a mixture of maroon and mustard (yes they say I’m complicated). When you figure that color out let me know.
Anyway that’s my focus moving forward. Not to find Nemo, not even to find myself (if you met me, you would know, I know who I am) but to find contentment in my here and now. To be okay with letting go of some of those “perfect” plans I had and not have it cause me anxiety. To not expect my kids to be well behaved always, and for Chris, (do remember him?) to come home early sometimes and for me to ignore the urge to sweep my floors for the 4th time today ( ok baby steps, I need to sweep 4 or 5 times in the event I missed a spot the third). To just be. I mean really be.
To reflect on my yesterday, my today and have the same feeling. Not wanting to change any steps that I’ve made along the way, but to be thankful that all those steps built me up, to make my steps tomorrow.